You wanna go? Huh? Wanna take this shit outside? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Now if we’re done here let’s get to the matter at hand – SUPER RUGBY ROUND 11.
The round kicked off in Dunedin, New Zealand with the Highlanders and the Blues battling it out in a local derby. The Blues won the game 15-10 but let me tell you that shit was boring. Hell, by half-time I was strongly considering watching the reruns of the royal wedding instead of this dross. Only one try scored? What is this? Heineken Cup? (There’s the required insult aimed at Northern rugby). The next game between the Hurricanes and the Reds was far better though. It was an absolute thriller with Aaron Cruden slotting a winning penalty in the 81st minute to win 28-26. I rejoiced this one folks, I hate the Reds more than malaria. I hate them more than my atrocious cat lady neighbour; more than I hate Brian Moore (Okay, maybe not that much). I could go on but this round up is serious business. Seriously though, fuck Quade Cooper.
Waratahs jogged past the Rebels 28-9 in Sydney on Saturday morning. The Rebs didn’t have enough quality to get past the vastly experienced Waratahs. This was another rather dour affair but I’ll give them a reprieve as the weather was awful. The Force – Crusaders game, however, was a blockbuster! Great tries, tackles and atmosphere. No controversies or any of that shit just good rugby. The game ended 42-30 in favour of the ‘Saders but they were pushed to the absolute brink. The Force can feel real proud of themselves and they look a different team with David “The worlds largest biceps” Pocock back in action. Also, Crusaders full back Israel Dagg is the best counter attacking full back in world rugby at the moment; his counter attacks make the Tet offensive look like childs play.
Over in South Africa A.K.A God’s Country, the Cheetahs proved once again that they are the most exciting team in the tournament. Fuck the Crusaders, you wanna see action? Tune into a Cheetahs game. Not only are they an unbelievably good offensive team but their defense is atrocious, so all you’ll get is tries galore. And who the hell doesn’t like tries. This time The Cheetahs finally won one! They beat the Brumbies 47-36 with some blistering tries being scored by teams. Sarel Pretorius bagged another double, he’s now one of the leading scorers in Super Rugby despite only starting since Week 5, and he has to get a Bok call up.
Coenie Oosthuizen. Remeber that name. A 127 KG of pure blood sweat and tears. He steals, he tackles, he scores and most importantly HE MADE A GOOSESTEP. Have you ever seen a 127 Kilogram person do a goose step? If you answered no you’re missing out. The Bulls finally got another win by beating the Chiefs 43-27 at Loftus in Pretoria. It was a decent game but I’m gonna spend the next few sentences talking about Wynand Olivier. For those of you who don’t know, he is the worst professional inside centre I have ever seen. What’s worse he always makes the Springbok team. I hate him. He can’t pass, he runs dead straight, he’s a terrible defender. Fuck, I dislike him. Onto more tasteful people, the Stormers manhandled the Sharks to the tune of 32-12. The Cape Town boys played amazing and outscored the Sharks 4 tries to zip. They tackled the living shit out of the Sharks as well with the backrow, Burger in particular, being prominent.
There you go, ladies. Don’t say I never give you anything.
